The Story Of The Raider
The Raider was born somewhere in the post-World-War-II midwest in the back seat of a getaway car. His parents had just pulled their first, last, and only bank heist. For poor little Raider, it was all downhill from there. While his parents were in prison for their bank job Raider was kept in a run-down foster home throughout the post war years, where he was forced to sell forged Budweiser-ration coupons. If he didn't sell enough coupons he didn't get to eat that day, so Raider learned early-on that in order to survive you have to sell, sell, sell!
After their release from prison Raider's father became a used-car salesman in San Bernadino, California, and his mother continued her life of crime as a con-woman working with such notable east-coast crime figures as Andy "The Castrator" Castros Senior, and Mike ("The Maniac") Burkem. His mother's partners in crime would often hang around the Raider household, waiting for their next caper, and spend hours teaching young Raider the craft of being a good Con-Raider. Times were financially tough for The Raider household, and often the growing Raider had to subsist on a diet of only weak, flat Budweiser beer for weeks at a time. Thus he developed his manic manner and accelerated patter.
Having reached adulthood near Hollywood, Raider had caught the acting bug, and was working his way up the tinsel-town ladder using a combination of guile, deceit, and his considerable talent as a con man. He had just finished shooting the pilot episode of a new television series, "My Mother Left Me The Day Before She Had Me!", when tragedy struck. The police found Raider in bed with a well-known, but aged, Hollywood actress and arrested him on the spot for having sold phony stock options in a non-existent motion picture company to the very same actress's husband! The ensuing scandel ruined any career Raider might have hoped for in Hollywood, and indeed he never worked in that town again! The Raider finally became America's Most Wanted (by law enforcement) Webmaster. (Also implicated in the phony stock scheme was his buddy, Andy ("The Embezzler") Castros Jr., the son of crime figure Andy ("The Castrator") Castros Senior, a future VFW Commander, with deep pockets!
After serving time in prison, and working as a host on various rigged radio shows (such as "Rock On Oldies!" and "Life In The Past Lane?") Raider ended up as webmaster of "Remember Radio" where he seemed to make the best of a bad situation. It's interesting to note that when he first began working at "Remember Radio," Raider changed his name to Honest Bernie Schlock, however when it became clear that he wasn't fooling anybody, he went back to using his real name, The Raider!
Finally, in 2016, The Raider pulled off
'The Deal Of The Century', when he made a Trumponian Deal with famed DJ and Oldies Music Aficionado Ron Ernie.
Ron Ernie owned the Popular Oldies Music Website - Remember Radio.
Raider worked there as Senior Webmaster. Word has it that Raider approached Ron Ernie with an offer to buy Remember Radio for 24000.00 dollars. Ron accepted the offer albeit while under the influence of Raider's favorite beverage of choice, ("The King Of Beers") Budweiser. After the contract was signed and sealed, Ron Ernie awaited the transfer of funds to his Pay Pal Account with great anticipation. He was unaware and totally surprised to find that Raider had somehow switched the contract with one that provided Ron Ernie with a check for 24 dollars and no cents! To add insult to injury, The Raider had also included Ron Ernie's brand new and popular website, Country Corner. The new website catered to country music lovers, and it started gaining traction the first week it came online.
With Ron Ernie's signature safely on the switched contract, Raider promptly renamed
The Country Corner to Raider Country.
There was a temporary silver lining to this deal. Raider introduced Ron Ernie to a real sexy lady. Ron Ernie fell head over heels for her and started seeing her regularly.
That is until during an intimate encounter with his beauty, he happened to reach down and touch something very alarming. Male Equipment!
Well, last we knew, Ron Ernie is over at his News Website, RonDoids.
Ron Ernie has written a new song about his ill gotten girlfriend.
"I'm Dancing With Tears In My Eyes (cause the girl in my arms is a guy)